How to Be The Kind of Man A Woman Wants to Love
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"21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” 4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." (Ephesians 5:21-6:4, NIV)
Introduction
Why talk about women on Father’s Day?
Just in case you have forgotten basic biology, let me remind you that no man can be a father without the help of a woman….! And, one of the most important legacies you can leave your children is a loving, healthy relationship with their mother. In the final analysis, it is impossible to be a good father without being a good husband…!
Sometimes as men, when we read the passage that is our text for today, it may strike us as unfair. After all Paul requires a man to love and cherish his wife, but does not even bother saying that to the women. Why? Because nine times out of ten, if a man really loves his wife the way Paul talks about his wife will love him back…!
Women are responders by God-given design.
There can be exceptions to that rule, even as there are some people who willfully and consciously reject God’s love for them and the relationship He wants to have with them, but most people who choose to not walk with Christ have never really grasped how awesome God’s love for them really is…!
When Teresa heard about the video we are going to show at the men’s breakfast on, “How to Improve Your Sex Life…” she said…
“That’s easy…Just tell them, ‘Help clean up from dinner; Help do the dishes; Help the kids take their baths; Help them brush their teeth; and help them say their prayers. Then your wife will have the energy to do something besides just fall asleep. All the women’s magazines talk about how young mothers are so tired by the time they go to bed that sex is the last thing they have on their mind.’”
As I was preparing this message, I went back to her to get her approval to share those comments with you and she added the following great insights…
- A woman wants to know that her husband cares about her and not just about sex. “Men sometimes give love for sex; women sometimes give sex for love.”
- Brush your teeth and bathe often.
- Find out what your wife’s love language is and tell her you love her often in ways that are meaningful to her, not in ways that are meaningful to you!
- Work hard to have a good relationship with a woman’s family and close friends. No woman wants to have to choose between people she loves.
- Love her children, teach them to love their mother, and insist they respect her.
- Bill and Fran Holbrook’s first date, “Where are the kids? They are coming, too…!” (Darryl and Sherri Fletcher; Bob and Gay Thurman’s, “Divorce Recovery Workshop.”
- The Apostle Paul situates his instructions regarding a man’s responsibilities toward his children in the same context as his comments on a man’s responsibilities toward his wife…!
- Provide time alone for your wife, especially when you have small children.
So there you have it, fellows, straight from the heart and mind of a very, very special woman…!
Her thoughts are better than mine, but here are four things I suggest you write down as well:
1. Love her more than anything else.
Traditional marriage vows include the phrase, “Forsaking all others…” The word, “forsake,” is very strong. It implies a total, conscious renunciation of all soul ties, lingering thoughts of “What might have been…” or “What could have been…”
There is more than one way to commit adultery. It can be done sexually; it can be done emotionally; it can be done mentally; it can even be done vocationally.
· Hobbies
· Sports
· Buddies
· Work
· … and obviously, other women…!
In the words of Jesus, “For this cause, a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife and they will become one flesh…” Both “leaving” and “cleaving” are also very strong words.
2. Put her needs ahead of your needs.
“Love seeketh not its own…” (1 Corinthians 13)
“Love keeps no record of wrongs…” (1 Corinthians 13)
Love puts its need for a new beginning ahead of its own selfish tendency to protect itself and justify itself by carefully recording and remembering every mistake has been made.
3. Look after her spiritual well-being.
· This can be as simple as making it easy for her to attend church in place she enjoys worshipping the Lord.
· Talk with her about your own thoughts and feelings about God. The old adage, “Never discuss money, politics, and religion” should never be applied to marriage…! If you are in spiritually, “blended” home, it is important to use tact, wisdom, and lots of mutual respect, but it is extremely important to know exactly where each other stand on this most important issue.
· Read the Bible together and pray together. Begin at mealtime and at before bedtime. I really struggle with this. Teresa and I talk about the Bible a lot, in part because I love to get her feedback on my sermons. (I stopped having her “grade” them a long time ago, though…! Smile!) We pray together over the most important things, but I need to make sure we also pray together over everyday things, if for no other reason than it is important for our children to see us doing it together…!
4. Live a life worthy of her respect.
Respect is the foundation upon which all true love is built. If your wife respects you, it is much easier to love you…!
Be the kind of man she can trust her children with and that her children will look up to. More than once over the years as I have heard wives say what drew them to their husbands these words have been spoken, “I could tell he would be a good father to my children.”
Conclusion
Becoming the kind of man I have talked about this morning is a journey I am on myself. I am far from a perfect husband or a perfect father, but my relationship with Jesus Christ is the key to anything I do right in my relationship with my wife and with my children. His love for the church sets the standard I try to live by in my relationship with my wife. My heavenly father’s love for me shows me how I am to love my children.
I can only do that with His help…! Here is the good news, if any of lack wisdom, if we ask God for it, He will generously pour it out upon us if we trust Him and respond to His promptings.
"5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6 But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does." (James 1:5-8, NIV)
The starting point on the journey to that kind of wisdom to begin a personal relationship with God.
"10 “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding." (Proverbs 9:10, NIV)
"33 The fear of the Lord teaches a man wisdom, and humility comes before honor." (Proverbs 15:33, NIV)
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